TEEN TRUTH: PARENTS in Milpitas (Behind the Scenes)

July 8th, 2010

The cameras were rolling, documenting the unscripted candor of Rancho Milpitas Middle School students and parents as they discussed family communication for an upcoming educational film set to launch around the country.

Teen Truth Live, an organization created to give students a voice and empower them to make a difference, is expected to release “Teen Truth: Parents and Family Communication” early next year. The fourth film in the Teen Truth series, directed by Erahm Christopher and produced by JC Pohl, follows the series’ signature student-shot style to show how real teenagers and parents react to communication in different ways. But rather than gearing the film toward students like those films in the past, Christopher said it will mainly be an educational tool for parents.

He said the idea for this documentary has been in the back of his mind for years. But the logistics of making it work was more difficult considering he didn’t think an educational distributor would want to be involved since it was less student related.

Years later, the Teen Truth team decided it was an important film to make regardless and began producing it on their own dime. Christopher said the average cost of a Teen Truth film is between $25,000 and $50,000 and expects this one will fall between $30,000 and $35,000.

Christopher said like other Teen Truth films there will be approximately 30 people shown, ranging from students to parents to professionals. So the Rancho community may only be a tip of the iceberg but, he added, they were a very important one at that.

“Basically we don’t want anybody to watch the films and say that’s not me,” Christopher said.

Rancho counselor Jennifer Hutchison said she was thrilled to have her school involved with the film.

“When they called me and asked if we would participate in this I can tell you I jumped at the chance because … communication is a foundation for everything else,” she said.

On May 13, seven Rancho students and four Rancho parents were filmed for the making of the film. The student and adult conversations were held separately as participants were interviewed about topics centered on the importance of communication, what it should or could be about, how it is done and other related prompts.

“I didn’t want the students to be intimidated by their parents,” Christopher explained of the separate interviews. “I didn’t want to get the clich answers … I wanted them to feed off each other and hear things that they can relate to so they in the process are sharing their own experiences.”

Life on film

Students Alex Driggers, Louisa Garcia, Erum Zaidi (all eighth-graders next year); parents Christina Driggers and Ed Berbena; and counselor Hutchison took time out of their summer break recently to speak as representatives for the recent filming session.

“I thought it was fun,” Alex Driggers recalled. “I liked seeing all the cameras and seeing how it gets made.”

He said two cameras were focused on him and the other students while they were interviewed for approximately an hour. Although the process began calmly, Driggers said it eventually “got a little bit more intense” as the conversation evolved.

One element discussed was how communication is necessary to understand where trust lies on each side.

“I would say as a parent and a counselor as I was sitting and listening both to the kids and to the parents because I was able just to be a spectator it was so powerful just to hear the words and they maybe weren’t things that were new but they were articulated in such a manner that there was power behind it,” Hutchison said. “When the kids shared how they want to be trusted or they wanted to have some freedoms they didn’t feel they had, you know that is very genuine for them.”

Student Zaidi said she constantly faces this in her life.

“My parents are very strict and I basically go to school and come home,” she said. “It is a little bit (difficult) because I feel like I’m in a box. It’s not like I want to control my life but I want to have some (freedom).”

Hutchison, who has 6- and 7-year-old girls, said children should understand this is not something decided on their behavior alone.

She said parents were discussing how oftentimes “they’re frightened at giving their kids freedom and it’s not because of their kids. It’s because of the other crazies.”

Hutchison added because of this there is often a fine line between finding a balance in being a responsible parent and letting the children have those freedoms they crave and deserve.

“Developmentally I know what adolescents need,” she said. “They need structure, they need to have limits and they are going to push it. That’s developmentally normal. And as parents we need to decide when are the times that we dig our heels in and say absolutely not … versus when it’s time to teach them compromising works.”

Parent Berbena said he faced this issue for many years, especially as a former single father to his now 13-year-old son.

“I had to be a disciplinarian, I had to be the playmate … so it was tough finding that balance and I became overprotective,” he said.

Berbena added coming from a large family and traditional Mexican background made it that much more hard to develop his own middle ground between being strict and parenting with love and patience. His dad raised him with an “iron fist” and so Berbena learned not to do this, fostering healthy communication instead by talking and, more importantly, listening.

“I remember him 4 years old coming up to me and said dad can we talk,” Berbena recalls. “I can never remember even talking to my dad…”

Hutchison said such modeling techniques tend to dictate how we will act if ever becoming parents ourselves.

“We are products of our family communication whether we chose to change or deviate from it, modify it or continue things that were positive or negative,” she said. “We bring those with us.”

Parent Christina Driggers said she wishes children would understand “their problems are maybe more common than they think. They’re not in it alone.”

Although Christopher was working behind the scenes for the film, he said he took away knowledge from the conversations held as he raises his 2-year-old daughter.

“For me the conversation I had with the parents was very insightful,” Christopher said. “It made me think about how I’m going about doing what I’m doing.”

Media molds perceptions

Hutchison said whether or not parents agree children’s thoughts or feelings are valid, it is important there is a level of understanding.

Especially considering environmental factors like the media have changed dramatically throughout the years.

“We used to watch things like ‘The Cosby Show’ and ‘The Brady Bunch’ where there were conflicts but they resolved it,” Hutchison said. “What they’re watching now is a lot different than that.”

Berbena countered Hutchison by saying seeing happy families on television wasn’t always a good thing because it made him wonder what was wrong with his home.

“Right,” Hutchison agreed. “My mom didn’t iron wearing a skirt, heels and pearls so there’s a double-edged dagger to it. But I think one of the things that goes with that is the communication about it. If my kids are watching something, I want to watch something with them … because if I’m clueless as to what’s going in, I don’t know how to help them work through it.”

Zaidi agreed that shows often give children unrealistic expectations of life, even when they are good-natured. She cites Disney Channel’s “Wizards of Waverley Place,” a show she frequently watches, as such an example.

“Basically if they have a problem the sister will use magic and something worse will happen and she goes back and fixes it in the end,” Zaidi said. “That doesn’t really help the little kids who are like, ÔIf I go hit someone I can reverse time and I don’t hit them.’ That doesn’t help because you can’t do that. There are a lot of shows like that…”

Hutchison said it is not unusual for shows to create trends to what issues arise in the counseling office.

“I can say as a counselor what kids watch definitely impacts the issues I see,” she said. “Years ago when ‘Degrassi High’ came on I had a lot more students that were hurting themselves like a main character on the show. Unfortunately adolescents don’t have that part of their brain that are developed and it’s not an insult to them. It’s just a reality.”

Zaidi said the media has also created other barriers with her parents. The main one being she doesn’t watch television with her parents because it creates uncomfortable situations when unexpected commercials come on about topics she would rather not discuss or even have them watch.

Alex Driggers said watching some commercials with his mom also makes him uncomfortable, especially when it comes to Axe body spray commercials that are often sexually driven.

“When we do watch something … I’ll throw in a little comment so it’s not just sitting there,” Christina Driggers said.

In instances like these, Alex said it helps.

“But other times it’s like, OK, I got it. I’m just trying to watch TV,’” he said.

Hutchison said it is important to communicate no matter whether the response is positive or negative.

“I want to let parents know they’ve got to keep communicating with their kids even if it’s just a quick shoot it out, let the kid roll their eyes…” she said.

Christopher hopes the newest addition to the Teen Truth series fosters positive communication. He said he was impressed by the insights shared by students and adults alike to help create such an honest depiction of everyday life.

“I just can’t do what I do without the students that come forward and the parents that come forward,” Christopher said. “I just couldn’t create what we’re creating without that truth. … The truth that was told by the courageous Rancho students and parents during the interviews will certainly aid future families forge healthier and happier relationships.”

For more information about the topics youth are dealing with and resources for help, visit www.teentruthlive.com. To follow these programs and the lives they are touching visit www.facebook.com/TeenTruth.

Written by: Shannon Barry at sbarry@themilpitaspost.com or 408-262-2454
Published By: Milpitas Post
Photos By: Shane Williamson
Actual Article: Click Here